The very essence of The Relatable Project is acceptance and inclusion; often underpinned by the word ‘body’.
I am one third of Relatable and I live in a relatively small body. This hasn’t always been the case; I have been bigger, but not much. Therefore I can’t and I won’t (and shouldn’t!) try to write about a world I don’t live in, it would only serve to disrespect those of size I advocate for. If you don’t know it and you don’t live it, then don’t write it, right! What I am compelled to write about, is my recently acquired “wokeness” of the Body Acceptance and Positivity movement sweeping across Australia, the US and UK.
Opening My Mind
To think differently is an active choice. Mine started with a conversation and an introduction to personal stories of fat women and their individual realities of fat shaming. Hilarious and heartfelt in Bryony Gordon; rebellion and the harsh reality of fat activism with My Fat Friend, Virgie Tovar, Roxane Gay; scientific fact and intuitive eating with Evelyn Tribole. My awareness and curiosity piqued, making way for wider, broader thinking, but always with empathy and relatability.
I immersed myself in the “BoPo” movement of social media – Instagram in particular – and got my hands on everything I could Google, read, watch and follow. I was utterly overwhelmed and sucker punched by the tide of confidence, support, fat selfies, appreciation, acceptance, colour and beauty. There’s a surge of women out there, community strong, defiant, facing their demons (and trolls); women celebrating each other with such force it totally captures me. Women celebrating who they are, smashing through their comfort zones and in hot pink and gold bikinis, no less! I realised I didn’t just want to witness this, I wanted to be part of the liberation. There is something unchained about these influential women, it’s intoxicating. Their fortitude to be out there sticking two fingers up at society and it’s ideal is inspiring; working to secure their freedom.
As we all know, in our western world and from some lofty perspective, thinness is esteemed and automatically aspired to. It is (wrongly) assumed beauty and health. Respected above all else, but under whose authority? Normative beauty will always be desired, but who and what determines the criteria? Understanding this as I now do, this is not a place where I want to grow up again as an 8-year-old girl (ahem, Kurbo), validating or invalidating myself based simply on my weight. Already hearing the word “fat” as a playground taunt, a term derogatory rather than fact. A word not dissimilar to “gay” bounded around, off the cuff, oblivious to the layers of damage, alienation and life long trauma it creates.
An Education
The first thing I discovered as I ducked beneath the BoPo surface is that I am “straight sized”, not normal – as there is no normal – and certainly not average. In short, this means I can go into any shopping centre or high street store and find clothing that fits. I now understand and fully identify with this as ‘thin privilege’. To really claim education in this space, I needed to read first hand accounts, biographies and scientific facts that stand strong up against the mantra of diet culture and reverse the story I’ve been told all of my life. It is with fresh eyes that I see how good I have it; I can board any plane without trauma, and venture into any restaurant without fear of exclusion and humiliation in some form. If we can be naturally thin then same goes for naturally fat. We’ve just confused and deprived our bodies to the point where they too are confused to what that natural state actually is. We all look different for so many reasons, internally and externally influenced. We cannot look at a woman and determine her health based on her size; and who are we to judge her worth?
Thin, fat, middling, tall, short, able bodied or not; none of these things determine if we’re anymore valuable than the next woman.
I acknowledge my experience is limited by comparison to the majority who identify with the BoPo community, but still it has its place in the area of size inclusion and acceptance. I have lived with restriction on some level, and grown up with the in-built narrative that thin is best, but now my mind is slowly morphing to see and appreciate all bodies differently. I’m proud to say that I’m part of a slow but definitive shift, predominantly through social media; a revolution! I was lucky as a child. My first diet partner wasn’t my mum, she never called me fat or referred much to my weight as the turbulence of adolescence fluctuated and bounced me up and down the scale, literally bounced (cursed with massive boobs, born in a bra!) Food was always about good nutrition but ultimately enjoyment, for us, as a family.
I’ll be honest though, I do struggle to shrug it off, the diet culture, it still claws at me and gets under my skin. I need to consciously strike a balance, and completely embrace peace within my body as I continue to challenge my learned beliefs. The first step has been listening to a different story, which grabbed me unexpectedly. I adjusted my ears and filtered my social media feed; it relieves the pressure of needing to ‘be’ a certain way. We can do this just by those we choose to follow, and more importantly, those we decide to unfollow. I acknowledge life is easier for me because I am size accepted already, but still I am undeniably swept along with the refreshing tide of the BoPo movement hoping to better infiltrate the next generation. For me and those like me, I’m starting to see that it’s about respecting choices and individuals; who are we to judge or comment, the pressure to do so must be removed.
It’s not like I’m a reformed smoker preaching from my cake box, I’m just starting to see this from another angle, unbelievably refreshing and empowering. Not a new vision but one that now feels to be a certain possibility. If we eat whatever we like unrestrained, stop referring to food as either ‘good’ or ‘bad’ and celebrate health at every size, then diet culture is stopped in its tracks, disordered eating challenged. If I choose to learn and school myself differently in this space, ultimately I understand this as finding my own peace with what I eat, accept who I am and what I look like. I find my own mental balance; individual but equally accepted by all. For each woman, it is, my choice and your choice – please respect and accept, because what we look like and what we eat is nobody else’s business.
Perhaps there is hope for the 8-year-old girl. It’s time for us “straights” to adopt the voice of acceptance, acknowledge our privilege and take our place in the march, alongside women who deserve a voice; those we have been, will be and could be.
