I’ve dealt with different levels of anxiety my entire adult life. There are days when it’s just there; a bunch of little nerve endings firing off incessantly. Sometimes I like to imagine that there’s a suite of mini tambourines shimmying and shaking in the space between my skin and muscle; having a nice little jam session. Then, of course, there are days when it is big and ugly and monstrous and totally overwhelming; the panic attack days. Those are the days of big tears and brown paper bags.
In either circumstance, I find that comfort is key. And oftentimes, it can work as both the preventative measure and the salve. I know that when I am operating from a place of security and sanctuary – whether at work, socially or even at home – I am bringing you the best version of myself. The stable version, the functional version and more often than not, the happiest version. From a workplace perspective, if I have a project with a deadline, it helps me to be prepared. To know what the expectation is, to understand the objective up front and to compose a strategy on how to deliver it. This gives me a sense of comfort before I’ve even begun – it helps me to truly know where I’m going. If, during this time, there are (inevitable) moments of stress and pressure, I like to know I have a soft place to land, which is generally at home, watching trashy TV with my partner and pup. Believe me when I say that all this reassurance makes me a more content, less angsty person.
Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.
We know the phrase, we’ve read the articles and watched the TEDx Talks – all of which admonish us for living our lives wholly within our comfort zone. How will we ever learn to be brave, reach our full potential or experience everything this world has to offer, if we never leave our personal havens? Will we never live life to its fullest?! What if we are stuck in the dank and despair of status quo forever?!
Given my propensity for nervousness, when someone tells me that life begins at the end of my comfort zone and that I should “Be adventurous! Get amongst it!”, my initial reaction is to get a bit stabby. I’ve done many things outside what I would consider my comfort zone; I’ve done some big things, like packing up my life and moving to London, trekking the Larapinta Trail in Central Australia and presenting in front of 500 people. I’ve also done some more mundane, everyday things like started buying broccolini and dying my own hair (seriously big moves). Most recently, I’ve left corporate life behind to start this Relatable journey with two of the most important people in my life. Believe me, I’ve done stuff.
And the majority of these things have produced great outcomes – my time in London made me strong and independent and the group I trekked with raised over $200k for charity. But along with the good can come much angst, stress and anxiety. I cried for weeks when I left Sydney for the UK, barely slept (and when I did it was on the floor of my sister-in-law’s 1 bed apartment) and fretted for months that I would never find work (I eventually did). The trek from Alice Springs brought with it unprecedented panic attacks and the need to sit out of a few day-hikes because I simply couldn’t breathe. I became anxious just trying to put one foot in front of the other. Moments like public speaking bring sleepless nights, shaking hands and a flushed face. And as many of you will know, the ‘adventure’ of running your own business is fraught with all sorts of landmines. I’m not ashamed to say that there have been many days where I have not been able to get out of bed. Trying to live life to your full potential can really suck.
Of course, we generally make it through these moments. And I certainly wouldn’t trade any of those experiences for a life spent entirely on a comfy couch. But I do like to balance these with solid periods of comfortability. In the workplace, I am (shock! horror!) most ‘myself’ when in my comfort zone. I do some of my best work within that space. When I know my boundaries, I feel safe. When I understand the expectation, I can plan. And when I operate from a place of safety and preparation, the anxiety fades. All of a sudden, I am thriving. My comfort zone contains the things I know I’m good at, the things I enjoy and the things that bring me contentedness. If I work from that place, I guarantee you, I will deliver. However, If you throw me into a scenario where I’m underprepared, fearful and lacking a sense of control, I will struggle. There will be night sweats, 3am panic sessions and a point where my body will stop cooperating with me.
Now, I’m not entirely neurotic; I do understand that not everything is within our control and that some level of ‘push’ is healthy. Being brave can bring with it a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction. But when we stray too far from our place of safety, where the levels of stress and anxiety hit a debilitating high, it’s time to reassess. The ‘self-care’ movement is huge right now; and whilst it has its own set of challenges, it’s core message is important. When you feel depleted (or even when you don’t), look after you. Do what brings you joy, behave in a way that recharges your batteries, or just simply helps you live your life in an anxiety-free environment. When we push our limits too much, or we operate from a place that feels psychologically unsafe, we are not at our healthy best. We are so often told that stress has innumerable and complex ways of affecting the mind and body. It can put pressure on our hearts, it can hurt our brains, it can result in damaging behaviour and poor lifestyle choices. Don’t be ashamed of sometimes needing to take the easy road.
And here’s the thing; life does not begin at the end of your comfort zone. Life is constant; it is happening always and will continue to do so whether you are in your safe space or not. And while some of that life is well-lived at the end of your comfort zone, some really good shit can happen from within it; from the place where you feel the safest. Never live life according to a one-track mantra; our time here is too nuanced, too complicated and full of so many twists and turns. There will be the occasional moments when jumping out of a plane or trekking the Andes brings a sense of a ‘life lived’. And there will be times when safety and security, pure and simple, will keep you alive. The trick is to find the balance and live accordingly.
