We all love a bit of Lizzo, right?
In the last 12 months, Lizzo – songstress, rapper, flautist and overall badass – has pulled herself out of obscurity (after 10 years of grind) and smashed into the spotlight, dropping her album Cuz I Love You at the end of 2018, and now her latest song, “Truth Hurts” going platinum a few weeks ago. A major body positive advocate and self-love activist, Lizzo is now a namestay at festivals, awards nights and major events, such as the Met Gala this year. Her social media accounts (which she swears she runs herself), are full to the brim with Lizzo being Lizzo – loud, outspoken, and real. She has racked up millions of followers in a relatively short space of time, her most VIP fans identifying as ‘Lizzbians’.
Not too long ago, Lizzo (real name Melissa Jefferson), posted an unusually sombre video to her Instagram account @lizzobeeating, crying. The caption alongside talked about how being “emotionally honest can save your life. Reaching out may be hard but as soon as I did it, I was immediately covered in love…” She went on to explain what triggers her sadness (rejection and inadequacy) and how she can use that constructively.
From someone who appears to have it all right now, it was a refreshingly truthful take on how she’s been feeling lately. That no matter how high the highs are, there will always be lows. Lizzo’s message is to be open to those lows, to be vulnerable and find gratitude and solidarity in being honest.
So how exactly do we be ‘emotionally honest”? First, you need to connect with yourself and figure out what’s really going on.
- Be Curious; sit quietly by yourself and tug slowly at what you’re feeling. Be interested in your emotions and dig around for some answers. Be specific in your findings. What are you feeling exactly? What has triggered that feeling and why? Are you just feeling a little low today or are you sad about a particular event, relationship or situation?
- Be Real; be honest with yourself about how you’re feeling. Telling yourself that you are fine (if you’re not) and pushing the emotion away isn’t going to help you. In order to either address the problem or sit with the feeling for awhile, you need to be real about what it actually is. Open yourself up to being vulnerable.
- Don’t Judge; be kind to yourself throughout this exploration. Don’t get frustrated with yourself for not being at your best; negative feelings come and go for a reason, and if you spend all your time being mad at yourself, you won’t be able to move past it. If you start to feel judgemental, go back to the beginning and be curious again – find out why.
When you think you may have a better understanding of the what and the why, look for the who and be open to being vulnerable with others. Reach out to those around you, even though it may feel uncomfortable at first.
According to Brene Brown, “Vulnerability is not weakness. I define vulnerability as emotional risk, exposure, uncertainty. It fuels our daily lives….it is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change.”
Vulnerability is also how we build connections with others. When we are being emotionally honest, we will build deeper, healthier and more authentic relationships. Brown says not to be concerned about appearing awkward, “The good news is that I think people are tired of the hustle – they’re tired of doing it and tired of watching it. We’re hungry for people who have the courage to say, “I need help” or “I own that mistake…”
Scrolling through the responses on Lizzo’s Instagram post, the connection speaks for itself. Hundreds of people naming their triggers (harassment, rejection, humiliation), speaking true about mental health issues and the relentless expectation (most of the time on themselves) to be perfect; stoic. Emotional honesty breeds growth, understanding and solidarity. A tough day can just be a tough day or it can be something to explore and feel.
The following day, Lizzo is back on the socials with a more upbeat sentiment, having spent some time sitting with her emotions and healing through connection. Her latest message?
“Ain’t nothin sexier than a new day.”
